The Ultimate NBA Fantasy Draft Round One
A lot of teams would like to hit the reset button on their current teams. Start over from scratch, and hope for the best. OK maybe not "a lot" but a few would. I sometimes think, "If a team could select any player to start a franchise with, who would it be?" So instead of thinking, I decided to write it all down.
Many would say that it would just go purely off of talent, and it would to an extent, but I think there would be more to it. A struggling small market franchise would want Kobe just because he is the biggest name in basketball. That's not a backhanded compliment at Kobe, but long term you wouldn't want to build around Kobe. He would be great for your team in more of a business sense. More bang for the buck right now. A large market like NYC would probably chance a younger, possibly lesser talented star, just due to the fact the people will come regardless because it's MSG, and they have a long-term investment.
Another criteria I decided upon, is that coaching staff, GM's, and all that stay the same, so knowing certain ones with their preferences, was also kept in consideration. (A perfect example: Mike D'antoni. He wants a superstar that can run! So he would probably prefer Russell Westbrook over Dwight Howard, even if he thinks Howard is a better player.) To make it a little more fun of a read, I must admit I threw in some comedy picks that any casual NBA fan should understand.
Keeping all that in mind, I tried to figure out a draft order. I ended up going off of the team's current record (As of Feb. 1 when I started this whole maddening process) in reverse order. So Charlotte was the worst team, BAM! Number one pick. Essentially trading all the superstars to the less talented (i.e. crappy) teams. With a few small exceptions. Not totally fair I realize, but the best way with out totally randomizing all teams, and why not let the little guys win some? (Established stars are better, at least in the short term, than chancing the college draft. I mean which would you choose: A. Harrison Barnes or B. LeBron James? I'm guessing a solid 93% said the latter.) Now here we go...
Bobcats-
David Stern walks out to the podium. With the first pick in the Ultimate Fantasy Draft the Charlotte Bobcats select Kwame Brown. Oh Jordan does it again!
In all seriousness, (that was a great joke by the way!) MJ would seriously fight the urge to draft Kobe. He would salivate at the thought of getting PAID to boss Kobe around. And Kobe of course would just die to go one on one with Mike everyday at practice. But keeping in mind from earlier, Jordan has to put the business first, and knows that there is one man who is as big of star as Kobe, and his name is LeBron James.
Jordan actually relishes this choice more. Everyday he can pick and prod at LBJ. He knows that LeBron has every God-given gift a basketball player could ever need, yet for some reason he doesn't have that fire, that "eye of the tiger" that he, himself had/has. Now it is his personal mission to bring that out of him.
Pistons-
Derrick Rose
Pistons win titles with point guards. Whether Isiah or Chauncey, that's how they roll. And locking up last year's MVP, is a pretty good start to another title.
Hornets-
Kobe Bryant
In a strange twist of fate, the Hornets get redemption with the man they originally drafted back in '96. The franchise is struggling mightily, and Kobe will put butts in the seats. (All the Durant fans remember, some teams need names more than anything, and Kobe is a bigger name. I got a better destination for him anyway. So quit whining, or make your own list.)
Wizards-
Kevin Durant
The poor Wizards have been stuck with some of the biggest boneheads in recent memory. They need a good quality guy to rebuild the foundation of the team. Durant is perfect for this.
Kings-
Dwyane Wade
He's not King James, but he is now King Wade. Whether the Kings ever move or not, is now irrelevant with a superstar now on the roster.
Raptors-
Dirk Nowitzki
The Raptors love the international flavor to their team. Can you pick a better one than the reigning Finals MVP? That will help out attendance.
Nets-
Dwight Howard
This one could end up being reality. They're jumping for joy in Russia; in fantasy land anyway.
Suns-
Chris Paul
Who better than to take over for Steve Nash's run and gun Suns? Why Chris Paul that's who. He could possibly do an even better job, assuming he stays healthy.
Warriors-
Deron Williams
First year head coach Mark Jackson would want a strong point guard seeing how he was once one himself. He should be happy with this top 5 PG.
Knicks-
Blake Griffin
"Must See" BG would have the Garden rockin'. Probably the most perfect player for his perfect new home.
Cavs-
Russell Westbrook
Kyrie Irving was supposed to be the savior after LeBron abandoned them. Well Westbrook can fill those shoes as good as Irving can.
Bucks-
Carmelo Anthony
Melo man and his significant other wouldn't be too happy about living in Milwaukee, but I'm sure the fans would like it until he started pouting and most likely would be the first man traded in this fantasy world, but hey, the Bucks would like to get what they could out of him.
Timberwolves-
Kevin Love
Well what have we here!?! A guy that actually doesn't mind playing and living in Minneapolis? In real life and fantasy, seems to be a winning combination.
Celtics-
Rajon Rondo
The Celtics want someone they are familiar with. Now they can have Rondo, and build the team around him (Not that his real team didn't fit him perfectly anyway). Keeping both happy. (Hopefully)
Grizzlies-
Pau Gasol
Another strange Laker twist of fate, Gasol lands on his original team. Only now he's older, and decided he doesn't like being the number one option. What's a Grizzly to do?
Blazers-
Amare Stoudemire
The Blazers learning nothing from the errors of the past, draft yet another injury-prone big man. Oh well, if it's not broken don't fix it. Wait, I don't think that applies here. Or does it?
Rockets-
Steve Nash
The Rockets want whatever is left in Nash's tank. Hopefully they got a good training staff. I mean look at all the work they did on Yao Ming!
Magic-
Chris Bosh
The Magic cursed themselves the moment they traded for Vince Carter, and let Turkoglu walk right after their second ever Finals appearance in '09. Bosh may not be a curse, but not the franchise big-man that they coveted after they lost their second one in Dwight Howard. (Hasn't happened yet, but soon enough.)
Spurs-
Tim Duncan
What can I say, the Spurs love consistency. They are also very loyal. Add those two together, what do you get? Why a 35 year old Duncan of course!
Lakers-
Al Horford
So at the 20th pick, the Lake Show are pretty much guaranteed not to get a franchise player. What they did get was a damn good big man in Al Horford. Unfortunately not exactly a Chamberlain, Kareem, or Shaq. Or even a Bynum or Gasol for that matter. (Hey Al I love ya man!)
Jazz-
LaMarcus Aldridge
The Jazz absolutely stole Aldridge this late in the draft. Makes you wonder if the guy writing this list, doesn't really know what the hell he's doing.
Mavericks-
Kevin Garnett
Mark Cuban loves past-their-prime big men, so he opens the wallet for Garnett, who is probably the best one he's ever picked up.
Clippers-
Manu Ginobli
The Clippers like the Trail Blazers have a history of injuries. So why break the trend? Or a leg?
Nuggets-
Paul Pierce
Upon hearing that he was drafted 24th, Paul Pierce was outraged! I'm a top 10 player for sure, he was quoted as saying. Even in fantasyland that has never been true. I guess PP fantasy land is even more fake than actual fantasy land.
76ers-
John Wall
Wall was probably too low, but anyone that "Dougies" deserves to be low.
Hawks-
Marc Gasol
The big little brother winds up in Atlanta.
Heat-
Stephen Curry
Curry brings his flash to South Beach. I hear they like it down there.
Thunder-
Andrew Bynum
The Thunder were tickled pick that Bynum was still available at 29, now they're just hoping he stays healthy.
Bulls-
Rudy Gay
Honestly for the 30th pick, you could do much worse than Rudy Gay. I know all my friends that are Bulls fans are saying, So we got to go from the MVP to Rudy Gay? This draft is bullshit!
There you go, round one is in the books. I had to insert the comedy to keep people reading. But you already know that because that's the very reason you are still reading right now. Part II (click here)will show the results of the draft (in a much simpler fashion) and I will grade each team's new starting lineups. I hope you enjoyed this, it was a bit of a chore, but I'm not going to bitch 'cause it was fun. I would like to hear how different your list would be...
Many would say that it would just go purely off of talent, and it would to an extent, but I think there would be more to it. A struggling small market franchise would want Kobe just because he is the biggest name in basketball. That's not a backhanded compliment at Kobe, but long term you wouldn't want to build around Kobe. He would be great for your team in more of a business sense. More bang for the buck right now. A large market like NYC would probably chance a younger, possibly lesser talented star, just due to the fact the people will come regardless because it's MSG, and they have a long-term investment.
Another criteria I decided upon, is that coaching staff, GM's, and all that stay the same, so knowing certain ones with their preferences, was also kept in consideration. (A perfect example: Mike D'antoni. He wants a superstar that can run! So he would probably prefer Russell Westbrook over Dwight Howard, even if he thinks Howard is a better player.) To make it a little more fun of a read, I must admit I threw in some comedy picks that any casual NBA fan should understand.
Keeping all that in mind, I tried to figure out a draft order. I ended up going off of the team's current record (As of Feb. 1 when I started this whole maddening process) in reverse order. So Charlotte was the worst team, BAM! Number one pick. Essentially trading all the superstars to the less talented (i.e. crappy) teams. With a few small exceptions. Not totally fair I realize, but the best way with out totally randomizing all teams, and why not let the little guys win some? (Established stars are better, at least in the short term, than chancing the college draft. I mean which would you choose: A. Harrison Barnes or B. LeBron James? I'm guessing a solid 93% said the latter.) Now here we go...
Bobcats-
David Stern walks out to the podium. With the first pick in the Ultimate Fantasy Draft the Charlotte Bobcats select Kwame Brown. Oh Jordan does it again!
In all seriousness, (that was a great joke by the way!) MJ would seriously fight the urge to draft Kobe. He would salivate at the thought of getting PAID to boss Kobe around. And Kobe of course would just die to go one on one with Mike everyday at practice. But keeping in mind from earlier, Jordan has to put the business first, and knows that there is one man who is as big of star as Kobe, and his name is LeBron James. Jordan actually relishes this choice more. Everyday he can pick and prod at LBJ. He knows that LeBron has every God-given gift a basketball player could ever need, yet for some reason he doesn't have that fire, that "eye of the tiger" that he, himself had/has. Now it is his personal mission to bring that out of him.
Pistons-
Derrick Rose
Pistons win titles with point guards. Whether Isiah or Chauncey, that's how they roll. And locking up last year's MVP, is a pretty good start to another title.
Hornets-
Kobe Bryant
In a strange twist of fate, the Hornets get redemption with the man they originally drafted back in '96. The franchise is struggling mightily, and Kobe will put butts in the seats. (All the Durant fans remember, some teams need names more than anything, and Kobe is a bigger name. I got a better destination for him anyway. So quit whining, or make your own list.)
Wizards-
Kevin Durant
The poor Wizards have been stuck with some of the biggest boneheads in recent memory. They need a good quality guy to rebuild the foundation of the team. Durant is perfect for this.
Kings-
Dwyane Wade
He's not King James, but he is now King Wade. Whether the Kings ever move or not, is now irrelevant with a superstar now on the roster.
Raptors-
Dirk Nowitzki
The Raptors love the international flavor to their team. Can you pick a better one than the reigning Finals MVP? That will help out attendance.
Nets-
Dwight Howard
This one could end up being reality. They're jumping for joy in Russia; in fantasy land anyway. Suns-
Chris Paul
Who better than to take over for Steve Nash's run and gun Suns? Why Chris Paul that's who. He could possibly do an even better job, assuming he stays healthy.
Warriors-
Deron Williams
First year head coach Mark Jackson would want a strong point guard seeing how he was once one himself. He should be happy with this top 5 PG.
Knicks-
Blake Griffin
"Must See" BG would have the Garden rockin'. Probably the most perfect player for his perfect new home.
Cavs-
Russell Westbrook
Kyrie Irving was supposed to be the savior after LeBron abandoned them. Well Westbrook can fill those shoes as good as Irving can.
Bucks-
Carmelo Anthony
Melo man and his significant other wouldn't be too happy about living in Milwaukee, but I'm sure the fans would like it until he started pouting and most likely would be the first man traded in this fantasy world, but hey, the Bucks would like to get what they could out of him. Timberwolves-
Kevin Love
Well what have we here!?! A guy that actually doesn't mind playing and living in Minneapolis? In real life and fantasy, seems to be a winning combination.
Celtics-
Rajon Rondo
The Celtics want someone they are familiar with. Now they can have Rondo, and build the team around him (Not that his real team didn't fit him perfectly anyway). Keeping both happy. (Hopefully)
Grizzlies-
Pau Gasol
Another strange Laker twist of fate, Gasol lands on his original team. Only now he's older, and decided he doesn't like being the number one option. What's a Grizzly to do?
Blazers-
Amare Stoudemire
The Blazers learning nothing from the errors of the past, draft yet another injury-prone big man. Oh well, if it's not broken don't fix it. Wait, I don't think that applies here. Or does it?
Rockets-Steve Nash
The Rockets want whatever is left in Nash's tank. Hopefully they got a good training staff. I mean look at all the work they did on Yao Ming!
Magic-
Chris Bosh
The Magic cursed themselves the moment they traded for Vince Carter, and let Turkoglu walk right after their second ever Finals appearance in '09. Bosh may not be a curse, but not the franchise big-man that they coveted after they lost their second one in Dwight Howard. (Hasn't happened yet, but soon enough.)
Spurs-
Tim Duncan
What can I say, the Spurs love consistency. They are also very loyal. Add those two together, what do you get? Why a 35 year old Duncan of course!
Lakers-
Al Horford
So at the 20th pick, the Lake Show are pretty much guaranteed not to get a franchise player. What they did get was a damn good big man in Al Horford. Unfortunately not exactly a Chamberlain, Kareem, or Shaq. Or even a Bynum or Gasol for that matter. (Hey Al I love ya man!)
Jazz-
LaMarcus Aldridge
The Jazz absolutely stole Aldridge this late in the draft. Makes you wonder if the guy writing this list, doesn't really know what the hell he's doing.
Mavericks-
Kevin Garnett
Mark Cuban loves past-their-prime big men, so he opens the wallet for Garnett, who is probably the best one he's ever picked up.
Clippers-
Manu Ginobli
The Clippers like the Trail Blazers have a history of injuries. So why break the trend? Or a leg?
Nuggets-
Paul Pierce
Upon hearing that he was drafted 24th, Paul Pierce was outraged! I'm a top 10 player for sure, he was quoted as saying. Even in fantasyland that has never been true. I guess PP fantasy land is even more fake than actual fantasy land.
76ers-
John Wall
Wall was probably too low, but anyone that "Dougies" deserves to be low.
Hawks-
Marc Gasol
The big little brother winds up in Atlanta.
Heat-
Stephen Curry
Curry brings his flash to South Beach. I hear they like it down there.
Thunder-Andrew Bynum
The Thunder were tickled pick that Bynum was still available at 29, now they're just hoping he stays healthy.
Bulls-
Rudy Gay
Honestly for the 30th pick, you could do much worse than Rudy Gay. I know all my friends that are Bulls fans are saying, So we got to go from the MVP to Rudy Gay? This draft is bullshit!
There you go, round one is in the books. I had to insert the comedy to keep people reading. But you already know that because that's the very reason you are still reading right now. Part II (click here)will show the results of the draft (in a much simpler fashion) and I will grade each team's new starting lineups. I hope you enjoyed this, it was a bit of a chore, but I'm not going to bitch 'cause it was fun. I would like to hear how different your list would be...
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